Possibilities

Outside Spring has arrived. The buds are opening. Flowers are blossoming, trees are greening and the sun is showing off it´s power to transform the earth from a grey and desolate place into a bustling and bright scenery. There is promise in the air. Promise of colorful flowers and warmth, promise of swims in the ocean and packing away the sweaters and scarves into back corners of the wardrobe.
With this fresh scent in the air one gets a feeling of possibilities opening up.

For me, possibilities always represent opposing feelings. A sense of freedom as well as a sense of having to decide on something. On top of that, having too many options confuses me in my decision making.

I used to always say that if I could have had the choice between, say four things to study, I would have been completely clear on which one of those four I would have preferred to pursue.
But having the possibility to study pretty much anything I wanted, had me constantly second guessing my choices.

I don’t want to say that it is not wonderful that we have all these options and liberties today, like never before, but I am saying that sometimes less is more, and too much can really be too much.
That´s what spring feels like to me sometimes, too much can sometimes be too much.
It´s almost as if I can’t contain all the excitement bubbling up in and around me.

I imagine that many people are frowning at my words at this point. Almost everyone I know is totally crazy about this time of the year. And of course I too love the sun showing up and the flowers joyously popping open left and right, but there is something about spring time that overwhelms me every year, in the same way the abundant possibilities of what to study did.

Spring seems to go hand in hand with me asking myself whether I still am on track with where I am in my life. Whether the choices I will and have made feel true in my heart.  Almost as if the lavishness that comes with the blooming of a new year show me all that is possible and thereby prompt me to question, or inquire into where I am at and where I am heading.

I am not sure about you, but for someone that in and of itself is not a big fan of change, asking myself such fundamental questions is like rocking a smoothly sailing boat, and thus a little unnerving and counter-intuitive.

On the other hand though I am quite certain that this traditional, annual scrutiny of my status quo is beneficial in some way or another, such as to be aware of the freedom I have, at any given time, to change the course of my life and to thoroughly double check if I am following my calling.

Now when I say my calling I am not necessarily talking about some mission or job that I was born to do, it is more of an attentive listening to the stirring in my core. Eyes closed, with focused attention on my belly or heart area, or wherever I sense my intuition strongest. Just like laying an ear to a door with the intention of catching what is being whispered on the other side.

Often enough it is initially hard to catch that whispering, but with deliberation, attentiveness and patience comes clarity. And so usually, for me, spring is the time before clarity.
When I need to zoom out again and see the big picture. Step back from automatically continuing with what I am doing in my life, so that I can investigate the status quo, examine my options, connect to the freedom of choice that I have, check in with where I am at right NOW, and then… act accordingly.

THAT is spring for me. And though I am absolutely aware that this is a total luxury and a decadently self-indulgent one at that, it is the way I am wired. It is how my system reacts to the world gearing up to face another splendid and lush summer, to pull out the big guns and give it all it has. Until the next time around.

Having possibilities, that is being rich. And yet, sometimes it is a blessing and a curse. Because sometimes, being rich comes with distraction or forgetting about the simple, elementary and yet important things in life.

Like stopping, in the midst of all the exhilaration that life has to offer, to lay a mindful ear to the silent whispering of our hearts.

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