This is a tricky one for me lately as I have been finding it more and more difficult to distinguish between a deep felt humbleness and simply me standing in my own way.
I know humbleness, the one that is overwhelming and immense and allows me to ease into my vulnerability and into acceptance, a complete surrender, followed by sweet peace and bliss.
I also know humbleness that comes when I am stopped in my tracks and confronted with a dead end, a wake up call, the type that leaves me stunned and clueless as I was sure to be right on track. The first feeling after the shock is a sense of inner break down, producing feelings of regret and shame and what can come through is something along the lines of: This will teach you to be more humble! What were you thinking?
This interpretation of humbleness is more of an excuse to feel small and unworthy, an excuse for not trying, for not daring to go all the way. A way to avoid showing up, speaking up and standing my ground.
Humble me will just patiently sit and wait to see what the world has in store for me, without asking too much, with out needing too much.
It is often easier ignore own wishes and desires, my own truth even, in order to not disturb others, in order to be of service and of help. This too is a common understanding of humbleness; humbly setting aside own needs while giving my Self away.
I have learnt, that this is in fact not humbleness, but rather self abandonment.
Humbleness is an inside affair. It is intimate and quiet without a need for seeking aknowledgement or approval.
We can notice it in nature and in people, when we are humbled simply by a presence. It is self evident, unapologetic. It inspires appreciation and gratitude rather than comparison or envy. It’s beautiful and it is powerful and it is rare.
It is not often that we go through the day in full awareness, fully conscious and present. Our lives are filled constant distractions, endless chores and responsibilities and it is hard to not give into envy and comparison.
More often than not we feel threatened rather than inspired and find endless reasons to not reveal ourselves to one another.Being rather smaller than bigger in order to not offend is considered polite and it also keeps us safe. And since this is something that we do, we expect others to do the same.
If we were flowers, this would lead to a meadow with half opened blossoms and short stems. All the energy being used to hide, rather than to grow.
Humbleness often associated with making oneself smaller or taking oneself less seriously. I believe it is quite the opposite.
To me it is an expression or rather a result of self love and appreciation. Allowing myself to show up as I am, not in order to impress, but rather to surrender. It is a deep letting go of all the need to achieve and of all the things I want to be. It is a soft landing in the now and can fill me with extatic joy or deep silence.
I can connect to my humbleness when I go deeper than my roaring passion and desire to do, to make, to create, deeper than all in me that wants to be this and that, when I allow the fear, the doubts, the failures to be what they are, I can ease into the conclusion, that I am on My way.
It takes great courage to stand in full bloom and in my experience, most people that dare to, are utterly humble, gracefully carrying within them the knowledge: This too shall pass.
Wishing you all a beautiful month filled with many moments experienced in humbleness and wonder.
With love
Eliza Charu Hermsdorf
Co-Founder of DIMA Mallorca, A Centre for Conscious Living
Mediator and Conflict counselor at MediateBerlin
www.mediateberlin.com
