I have found this time of change a beautiful invitation to self inquiry. Although I feel it was not necessarily by choice but rather owed to the fact that the outer world is changing in ways that I can not and need not comprehend. But who am I in all of this? (And of course: who is asking)
Apart from a spiritual seeking for godliness and letting go of the Self, I have been invited to inquire into mySelf and what I do in a very worldly fashion. All this momentum of change has again and again urged me to question and inquire into the who is it that I am becoming, where is it that I feel most aligned, closest to home and what is it that I still carry, say and do, that is old and limiting. Where can I still free myself of needing to belong and fit in, where do I still compromise my soul’s expression, my own nature, out of habit of adaptation? These habits are intricate mechanisms which are built in survival strategies so that we can function and cope in society, coming from a time when this was crucial for survival.
My first realization was that my survival is now secured and I am much freer than I am behaving. Beginning to watch myself behaving in society, in my relationships and in my family, I began to investigate my motivation, to observe my own behavioral patterns and begin to pause and to feel for a moment. Watching myself behave and to give myself time to feel into my own alignment has been very revealing and I have re-discovered and discovered many limiting beliefs and thought patterns that I thought I had long let go of.
In some way, this sense of uncertainty and insecurity has made me realize the many, many things in my life that I have taken for granted, gotten used to and very comfortable with. As we have had to let go of some of these comforts and as the future is unforeseeable (as it always has been of course) I have discovered a great freedom in this uncertainty. As it is no longer possible (and never really was) to plan for the future, all is limited to the now, what is important to me today? Again this can be answered by inquiring into the Self and allowing oneself to feel.
Is this what I want to be a part of, am I working for something I want to support and believe in? Am I showing up in my relationships, are they aligned with who I am and what I long for? How much of me am I not showing for the fear of not belonging?
This continuous inquiry has shifted my focus from feeling a sense of lack and restriction towards a sense of hope, joy and expansion. Rather than focusing on the abstinence of the known, I have discovered a great freedom in the unknown. With this shift came a certainty that I was born for this time of change.
The experienceable contrast of a life free from restrictions to a life with restrictions has moved me to connect to the freedom within mySelf. I feel this is one of the greatest invitations of this time. Which parts of myself are helpful in this time of change? Which parts of my personality are no longer helpful? Where am I flexible and where am I standing in my own way? What is freedom to me? What is safety? What is my contribution? Where are my insights helpful, to whom can I be supportive? what can support me?
With this simple inquiry, this practice of mindfulness I observe where my energy and life force expands, where I become alive and where I become tight, tired and collapse. I give myself the freedom of letting go of what no longer supports me and allow myself to expand, to keep choosing the things, relations and actions that make me come alive and make me feel able and capable.
Letting go of what no longer serves us is an art. As it cannot be done by doing, but rather by allowing, surrendering. It is a passive happening that is enabled once the focus shifts towards aligned aspects of the Self, more pleasant thoughts. Allowing more expansion, focusing on what feels aligned and on what makes us become alive induces letting go. And just like that it is done, quietly, softly, easily.
May you enjoy this winter time of inquiry and may you feel the sweet release of the old as you welcome the New.
“Man has nothing else to do but surrender – in deep trust, in deep love. Don´t be a doer, just surrender. Let there be a let go ” Osho
Charu Eliza Hermsdorf
Co-founder of DIMA Mallorca, A Centre for Conscious Living
Mediator and Conflict counselor at MediateBerlin